


Figuring It Out

by xxundefinedpromisesxx



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-20
Updated: 2015-02-20
Packaged: 2018-03-13 23:55:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3400871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxundefinedpromisesxx/pseuds/xxundefinedpromisesxx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Reid starts acting strange, Morgan is determined to figure out why. And when he does, the journey is terrifying yet exilerating.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Figuring It Out

**Author's Note:**

> Okay I have 22 chapters in this.. I hope thats okay :$ Enjoy:)

Chapter 1: Ried  
Every time I see him, my stomach knots. My heart races. My blood runs hot. I shake, because I get nervous. His voice can either calm me, or make me extremely happy.

His cologne turns me on like there's no tomorrow. I shouldn't feel like this, its wrong. If he found out, he'd probably kill me and never talk to me again. I can't STAND the thought of losing him. Is it love, or is it lust? 

Why do I even feel like this about him? I've never kissed him, or touched him at all; but I do think about it all the time. When he sits beside me, sometimes I can't even contain myself at work. I usually get a boner, and have the HARDEST time hiding it. One time he almost saw it. God, why did I have to get these feelings and ruin everything?

Chapter 2: Derek  
Ried has been acting strange around me for a couple of months now. I thought maybe it would go away, or I was seeing things, but now I know I'm not.

Like, he's acting stranger than normal. Like usually his random facts and awkwardness amuse me, but now its towards me. What have I done? I have been feeling... I guess stance she he comes around me. Like, sometimes when he's standing close to me I get hot and nervous. When he approaches me, and I smell his cologne, it um... kinda turns me on. 

But why would it do that? I'm not into guys... I don't think. Shit, what if I am? I've never kissed a guy before, or even touched one in that way. But, I have to admit, when I accidentally hit Reid's hand sometimes, I want to hold on to it forever. Well, I guess there's only one way to find out if I really like him.

Chapter 3: Ried  
My phone rings. "H- hey Derek." Oh my God. Why am I so nervous? I've talked to him over the phone a million times. "Hey Ried. Are you free tonight?" I need to calm my shaky voice. I breathe out slowly. "Yea, I'm free."  
"Good. Can you meet me in the park by your apartment at 9:30 tonight?" Why so late? Now I'm REALLY nervous. "Um sure. Is everything alright?" He pauses. "Yea, everything is fine. I'll talk to you later. Bye Ried."  
"Bye." I hang up.

What the hell? Why does he need to meet me so late? And in the park? Something is NOT right. What if he confronts me about me being so different lately? I'm not ready to tell him how I get when's he's around. Just hearing his voice makes my heart pound. Its like rich chocolate and sends shivers down my back. What is it he needs to tell me?

Chapter 4: Derek  
An hour before I leave I start getting ready. First I take a hot shower. As the steam surrounds me and fills the bathroom, I find myself thinking of Ried. 

Why has he been acting so weird? Whenever I come around him he gets nervous and more awkward. He's constantly pulling at his pants, and he seems to flush red when I'm close to him. And when I'm too close, he shakes. Sometimes I see him watching me, and sometimes I catch him staring at my lips... And then it all falls into place. The staring. The blushing. The nervousness. The shaky hands. Oh my God, he's into me. He ACTUALLY likes me, sexually.

What do I do? How do I deal with it. Do I mention it? Keep to myself? These unanswered questions fly through my head. I suppose its going to make what I'm about to do tonight much easier. 

I get out of the shower, get dressed, and put on my best cologne. I need to be alluring. I smile to myself. But as I walk out, I grow more and more nervous. It only takes me 10 minutes to drive there. It felt like the longest 10 minutes of my life. 

Chapter 5: Ried  
I'm standing by the forest edge of the park. I see his car pull into the park driveway. My heart starts pounding against my chest. Oh my God. I'm freaking the hell out. I'm sure he can hear my heart pounding. 

A breeze blows softly across the park stirring up leaves in its wake. A faint delicious smell comes my way. Holy crap, its him. I start shaking. In 20 seconds he's right in front of me. "Hey Ried." He smiles the most stunning smile, and I almost can't breathe. "Hey Derek," is all I can manage to choke out. "I bet you're wondering what I asked you to come here for." I nod, because it's all I can do. "Well Ried, you've been acting strange lately, and it only seems to be around me." Holy hell. He knows. I stare deep into the dark shadows of the forest.

"Ried." He steps closer to me and pulls my chin in his direction. He's only 2-3 inches from me. All I'd have to do is lift my face slightly, close the distance, and kiss his perfect looking lips.. "Ried?" I look him in the eyes. "Y-yes?" "Why have you been acting so strange?" My skin is electric with his touch. He has no idea what he does to me. "I-I haven't been trying to, honest. Its just, I have this recent problem.." He hasn't moved away yet. He's still so close. His voice is washing over me like a beautiful waterfall crashing onto rocks. It sends shivers down my spine. I look deep into his eyes. Dark as coffee. All I can do is stare and get lost in them.

Then, before I know what's happening, he has me pinned against a tree, and kisses me hesitantly. And dear God, its everything I imagined it would be. He parts his lips, forcing mine open as well, and kisses me deeply and desperately. 

Something sparks deep within me, and I finally understand. It all falls into place. There's a reason I was never too interested in the opposite sex; I'm gay.

Chapter 6: Derek  
I kiss him. I pin him against the tree, and kiss his full lips. He looked so.. vulnerable and lost. I couldn't NOT kiss him. But, everything I was questioning was answered. I definitely have feelings for him. And he definitely has feeling for me. I press harder against him, and he moans. Damn, that was really hot. 

I pull away after what seems like a lifetime and catch my breath. As does he. We both just stare at each other. A bunch of emotions play across his face. Shock, confusion, relief, fear, and happiness. The same must flash across mine as well. 

"Derek." It comes out as a breathless whisper. "I-I'm sorry. I should have asked. You just looked so-" he puts a finger over my lips and closes his eyes. A gentle wind blows, and tassels his hair. He looks so young. 

"Ried?" He opens his eyes. I realize he's still breathing hard and shaking. "Ried, are you alright?" He looks away. In the moonlight I notice dampness on his face. Oh my God, he's crying. "Oh my God, Ried. What did I do? I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I grab him and embrace him in a hug.

"Y-you didn't do anything wrong," he sniffles. "It was absolutely perfect. But maybe too perfect. I-I don't want it to stop. It felt so right." I kiss him again, but softly this time. To let him know I understand. Because I do. I feel the same way. "Come on. Let's go to my apartment." I grab his hand hesitantly, and take him to my car.

Chapter 7: Ried  
When we get into the car my heart is still racing. I'm still shaking. I'm utterly shocked. Scared. Confused. But, I'm also relieved. He likes me. He ACTUALLY likes me. My lips are still tingling from when he kissed me 2 minutes ago. 

I'm too surprised and shocked to speak at the moment, which is apparently okay because he isn't talking either. But thankfully it isn't too awkward. Were both just thinking about what happened I guess. 

I stare out the window while he puts the radio on. Pornstar Dancing by Darkest Days come on and I start humming to it. "You know this song?" Derek's skeptical voice pulls me out of my thoughts. "Uh yes actually." Derek laughs. "What's so funny?" I can't help but smile. "Its just, I didn't think you'd listen to that kind of music."

"What did you think I listened to?" He blushes. "I assumed you listened to like, classical music or something." I stare at him, then burst out laughing. "You stereotypical asshole." I laugh and look away. "I'm serious! Everyone else does too, its not just me." 

I look over and he has a huge smile on his face. For the first time, I actually smile back with no fear.

Chapter 8: Derek  
We arrive to my apartment. We get out and walk to my door. I unlock the door and walk in. I turn on the lights and look at the clock. 10:15 pm.

"You can sit wherever you'd like kid. Would you like anything?" He blushes. "What?" He shakes his head and blushes more. "N-nothing. Just a thought." "What kind of thought?" He looks away. "Riiieedddd." He looks back. 

"Do you have any alcohol?" I stare at him in disbelief. I'm astounded he even asked the question. "You... drink?" "Yea, sometimes." He forgets I'm a profiler. I can tell he's lying. "Okay, well I have either vodka, or fireball whiskey. Which one would you like?" He stares at me; swallows nervously. "Uh- fireball whiskey?" What a bad choice. I have wine too, but I'll tell him that later. "Okay, hold on."

I go and grab the whiskey, and two shot glasses. I come back and he looks terrified. This is going to be fun. "Okay pretty boy, you ready?" He nods. I pour him and I a shot. "Okay. On 3. 1,2,3." I knock it back and watch him struggle. He finally knocks it back, but almost throws it back up. His face contorts into disgust, and I laugh. "Another?" "Um, I'm not too sure-" "I'm making you another." He doesn't protest. I pour another 2 shots. "Okay. 1,2,3." We knock them back once more, and he almost throws it up again. I chuckle. "Do you want another one?" "No no, I'm good." I smirk. "But I thought you drank?" His cheeks fill with pink. "I uh- just said to look good.." I smile. "I know. That's why I gave you the choices of the hardest alcohol I have. I knew you were lying." He blushes harder. "I'm sorry." I slide closer to him. "Its okay. Would you like some wine?" He laughs lightly, "are you trying to get me drunk or something?" I laugh back. "Maybe. Would you though?" He nods. I get up and walk to the kitchen to get his drink. This night is going to be fun.

Chapter 9: Ried  
After 4 glasses of red wine, and 2 shots of whiskey, I'm feeling the effects. They're hitting me hard. My head feels fuzzy, and my body is feeling numb, but a good kind of numb. Does that make sense?

Its 12:03 am. I hope we don't have a case tomorrow, or else I'm screwed. I look at Derek. He's telling me a joke, but I'm clearly not listening. He's drunk anyways, so anything he says he thinks is hilarious. I laugh anyways, because he's laughing so hard he can't breathe and he looks adorable. 

"Ried, would you like something t change into? I'm assuming you're staying, cause I can't drive and I don't want you to take a cab." He says after he's stopped laughing. Shouldn't that answer the question then? "Sure. Do you have sweat pants I can wear?" "Yup, come with me."

I follow him down the hall to his bedroom. Which, surprisingly, is very neat. What isn't surprising is that he has posters of half naked women. "Here you go, these should fit you." I try to catch them, but fail terribly. My coordination is shit at the moment. When I look up, Derek is stripping out of his shirt. All I do is stare. He's so built with perfectly defined abs. He has beautiful dark coffee skin, marked with at least 3 tattoos. 

"Ried?" He's caught me staring. My cheeks becomes hot. Oh my sweet Jesus. "Uh, sorry. Its just- I looked up, and you were-um-" "Ried, its fine." He smiles, and I met and smile back. I look at his body again, and notice he has a V that disappears into his pants. I blush, because its incredibly sexy and is turning me on. I look away, and turn around to take my shirt off.

"Really Ried? I kissed you at the park, and you just saw me take MY shirt off. What's the problem?" I look over my shoulder. "I don't look like you. I don't have well defined muscles or perfect skin. And I definitely don't have any tattoos. I'm pale and boring." I look away, because I'm blushing immensely. I feel really self conscience. "Ried, did you know you have well defined back dimples? And they look absolutely sexy on you." I turn back around and look at him. He's some how now in his boxers. Oh. My. God. I can see how big his dick is through his boxers, and my God does it turn me on. I blush intensely. I look away.

"Ried." Derek walks towards me. I panic, and go to spin around. As I do though, I stumble. I almost fall over, but Derek surprisingly catches me. I'm breathing hard, and my heart is pounding. "Ried." Derek says my name in a whispered plea. His lips brush my ear softly. I start to grow hard. Dammit. "Derek, I'm scared." I say in a breathy and shaky voice. "You don't think I am? This is new to me too Ried. But, all I know is that it feels right." I turn around and face him. I look into his eyes, search for lies, but I find nothing but truth and unrecognizable emotion. My own emotions overwhelm me, and I'm terrified. 

"What if people find out? What if you realize you don't like me? What if you leave? Derek, I've lost too many people in my life. As soon as I let people in, they leave. Or something terrible happens. I can't handle it anymore Derek. I-I can't lose you too." My lip starts quivering, and my throat grows thick. Crap, I'm going to cry. Don't cry. Do not cry. I take in another shaky breath. "Ried, let's not think about that right now. Let's just focus on us, okay?" I look into his eyes, seeing he's just as scared. And somehow, that relaxes me.

He tips my chin, I close my eyes, and he kisses me. It sends chills down my spine and sends electricity through my veins. I part my lips and he opens my mouth, and he kisses me deeply. He softly moans against my mouth and I moan back, in response to him.

He puts his hand down and starts undoing my pants. I take in a long breath. He pulls away a little and looks me in the eyes. He smiles seductively, and undoes my zipper. I take a boost of confidence and kiss him hard. He breaks away. "Take them off." His dominance turns me on, so I grab my pants and take them off and toss them to the side. "Good. Now to the bed." Oh my God, his bed? God I'm way too nervous for this. I start shaking, and he notices. He softens. 

"Are you alright? We don't have to do this if you don't want to." "I want to. I'm just nervous, cause I've never done this before." He takes my hand and pulls me towards his bed and him. "Like, ever?" I blush and look away. "Ever. You-um- were my first kiss." He just stares at me. "Wow. I didn't know that. I'm sorry I took it from you." "Don't be sorry. I wouldn't want it to be anybody else in all honestly." He looks surprised. "Really? Wow. No ones ever said that to me before. And honestly, that first kiss with you felt entirely different from any other kiss I've had before." My turn to look surprised. "How so?" He takes my hand and blushes a bit. "Every other kiss had been fueled by lust, or just pure sexual desire. This one, however, was fueled by something else. Feelings I never knew I had." I can't believe he's saying all of this. Is he bullshitting? Tricking me? Or is he dead serious?

He must know what I'm thinking, because he pulls me even closer to and looks right into my eyes. "Ried. You and I both know that yes, I've been with a lot of women. I can't change that. But it was to help me cope and forget the horrors of this job. I've also lied to a lot of people. But, I don't want you to think I'm going to do that to you, because I'm not. You're different. These feelings are different. And I'm scared as hell. But I promise I'm not going to fuck you over." I let everything sink in. And when I do, I grab his shoulders, pull him towards me, and kiss him hard.

Chapter 10: Derek  
Ried pulls me towards him and kisses me with confidence he didn't have 2 seconds ago. It stirs something inside of me, and I kiss him back just as hard. I pull him farther onto the bed until he's lying right beside me. For a second I just stare. Take him in. His hair is tousled and is falling out of its gel hold, causing little pieces of hair to hang down. His face masks confidence he's forcing himself to have, that is threatening to break by the slightest mistake. 

He's biting his lip, from both nervousness and arousal. Damn, he can be really sexy. I continue staring though, I can't help it. I move down to his body, which isn't exactly manly but not exactly child-like either. You can see a hint of muscle under his pale freckled skin. He still has his boxers on, which have little Einstein's on it and are incredibly adorable. But he has a V mark that plunges into them, and I become harder imagining what lies beneath.

"Is something wrong?" His soft voice startles me, bringing me back from my overactive mind. "No, I was just really taking you in." His face starts flushing pink, and its so cute and makes him look so innocent. 

"Before we do anything, do you have any boundaries?" He looks me dead n then eyes. "No. You can do whatever you please." That, right there, is what pushes me over the edge.

I get on top of him and kiss him hard. He moans against my lips, pushing me further. I grab his wrists, and pin them hard over his head. A flash of fear and excitement run through his hazel brown eyes. I watch him close is eyes and bite his lip before I go down to his neck. I start kissing it, then bite it lightly. His body responds to it and a moan escapes from between his lips. I look at him, and he looks shocked and surprised. "I-I didn't know I'd like that." I smile seductively at him. "You're going to discover a lot of things tonight."

I go back to his neck. I can feel his rapid heart beat on my eager lips with every kiss I give him. I check to see if he's still nervous, but now he's full of pure pleasure. 

I start kissing down his body, and his boy rises and falls in response. I let go of his wrists and his hands fly and grip my shoulders. He's nervous again, and he's also holding back. "Ried." I kiss just above where his boxer start. He tenses and stifles a moan. "You don't need to be afraid. You can give in." Just then the moan escapes and he relaxes. When I go to kiss there again, I see that he becomes hard. 

I look at him, and he takes a deep breath and nods. I grab the top of his boxers and start pulling them down. I look up to see his eyes are closed and his face has flushed red again. I'm going to assume I'm also the first one who's been down here. I pull it down more and expose his dick. 

Oh. My. God. He's freaking huge! I would NEVER have guessed it to be this big. He's got to be about 7 and a half maybe even more. It also curves up a bit. I can't stop staring. "Is-is there something wrong?" I'm again taken out of my trance. "Oh God no. Its just; damn pretty boy I didn't think it'd be this big." He gets nervous again. "Is it a bad thing? I know I'm bigger than average, since the average size is from 5-6 inches. But I didn't think it was a bad thing.." I laugh. "Even when being seduced you start throwing out facts. You're hilarious." I continue laughing, and he joins in. "I can't help it." He smiles. And it's such a childish smile, then add his messy hair and kind eyes, he actually looks sexy.

"You don't need to be gentle with me just because I've never done this before. Might as well get it out of the way. I am still man, even if I don't look like it." I watch as his lips play into a seductive smile. Is it the alcohol that's making him so bold? Whatever it is, I like it.

I smile back and put my hand around his dick. He's pretty thick too actually. God its so big, which actually turns me on more than I expected. I'm surprised, but everything about tonight has surprised me. 

I slowly put my mouth down on it. He twitches and gasps. I stop for just a second, then continued. He's holding his breath, and the farther I go down the more he tenses. Thank God I don't have a gag reflex, because I'm able to go all the way down. I come back up, and use my tongue. He moans and grips the sheets, causing his knuckles to turn white. I move my tongue around the head, and another moan escapes and he twitches slightly. The more he moans, the more aroused I become.  
My heart is racing, and my hands are becoming sweaty. I'm not going to lie, I'm scared as hell. I've obviously never done this before, but I'm going on what I've seen girls do to me. And Ried is clearly enjoying it so I'm obviously doing something right. 

I go down farther again and pick up my speed. As I do Ried's moans become more frequent and his breathing is speeding up. I grab the use of his dick and start stroking it as I move my mouth halfway down then up again. "Oh m-my God. H-how are you so g-good at this?" I shrug, not wanting to stop. I pick up some more speed and Ried's now sweating and panting. His moans are getting louder, and he's put a hand on top of my head to control it. It actually kinda turns me on.

He's starting to thrust a bit, causing himself to go deeper into my mouth. "Derek. I-I'm really close." I go as fast as I can, and soon he's pulling me off. He let's out a super loud moan and cums. He throws his head back and is breathing incredibly hard. That, was sexy. He looks away and blushes. "Can- can I clean up before we go any further?" I nod and grab the Kleenex on my bedside table. I hand it to him and he wipes his stuff up. "Come here." When he speaks, there is no trace of fear. Only confidence. I'm starting to like this side of Ried.

Chapter 11: Ried  
I am utterly shocked at the moment. I can't believe anything that just happened right now. I've never had someone kiss me, let alone give me a blowjob. 

I build up some confidence, and tell him to come to me. He looks confused, even a little nervous. Who wouldn't be in this situation. He lies down beside me, and I press my body against him and kiss his lips. Every part of my body is screaming to be touched. Every time he touches me electricity shoots through my veins. I grab him, and can feel his muscles moving under my hands.

I can't even believe it. I've waited so long for this, 4 years to be exact, and now it's really happening. I role him onto his back and move on top of him. He smiles crookedly and my stomach twists and my heart starts pounding, hard enough that I swear I can hear it.

I crash back onto his lips, that respond back with pressing harder into mine. I move down to his neck and kiss it eagerly. God this is all so new. Its terrifying but amazing at the same time. I kiss down his neck more, and he tenses and he wraps his arms around my waist. I move and kiss the other side of neck. He makes a sort of grunt sound. I move my face up a bit, and playfully bite his lip. Derek looks a little shocked, but then smiles seductively. "You're doing pretty good kid. Why don't you bring those lips down lower?" I know exactly what he means. I start to panic. Am I ready? Will I be good? Terrible? 

I start shaking. I take a deep breath to calm my escalating nerves. I bring back a little confidence, and start kissing down his well toned stomach. His skin is soft but hard; with having a muscular body and all. I stop just above his boxers, like he did to me. I kiss there softly, and he twitches. He has a very well defined V going down into his boxers. Anticipation grows as I feel the need to find out what's under there. I kiss there again, and an actual moan escapes his lips. He's starting to grow hard. I thought it was big soft; I was absolutely right. I would always be able to see it through his pants, and it would taunt me. 

But now I can actually see it up close, and it is HUGE. I breathe in and take his boxers off. Oh my sweet Jesus. He's definitely bigger than me. Maybe a whole inch bigger. I hope I can fit it all in my mouth.. I close my eyes, try to relax.

"Ried." I jump at hearing his voice. "You don't need to be afraid. Its your first time, I get it. I'm not going to judge you." Jeez this keeps going from hot and intense to sappy and emotional in seconds. "I just don't want to mess up." He sits up and grabs my face between his hands. They're hot and a little sweaty. He's nervous. "Ried. Please. You as rent going to mess up okay? You're going to do just fine. Honestly, if you really don't want to, you don't have to." I look up at him. "No. I'm doing it."

I push him back down on the bed. I go back down, meanwhile my heart is hammering against my chest feeling as if its going to break out any minute.

I grab his dick into my hand. This is the strangest feeling, and it sends a wave of nerves through my body. I don't really know how to do this to someone else. I've pictured myself doing it to him many times; but thats fantasy. Not real life. 

I start moving my hand up and down slowly. He closes his eyes and sits back. It grows harder almost instantly. I move my face down so my lips are just inches from his dick. I breathe out heavily. I open my mouth and slide down onto his dick. Thank God it fits perfectly into my mouth. I move down lower, and get about halfway when I start to gag. Shit. What do I do? I come back up, then halfway down. I gag again, but Derek moans. It is so hot when he moans. 

I copy what he did to me and put my other hand at the base, since I apparently can't go all the way down. I start moving my hand a little, and twist it a bit too. Its a little hard to breathe, so I think I have to breathe through my nose..? 

Derek puts his hand on my head, tangling his fingers in my already messy hair. He starts controlling me, picking up the speed. I let him do what he wants, cause I have no clue what to do. Maybe use my tongue a bit? Like he did? I don't see why not. So, I move my tongue and swirl it around the tip of his dick every time I come back up. It causes him to twitch, and his grip tightens on my hair. I have my eyes closed, trying to concentrate. 

I move my hand faster, and it just so happens that Derek really likes it. I get faster, and he suddenly pulls me off, kisses me hard and cums. He's breathing hard, but loosens his grip on my hair. He in tenses and I fall over to the side. I-I can't believe I really did it. I look over at him, to discover he's looking at me.

"What?" I smile, because I'm incredibly happy right now, like I'm buzzed off of something. I stare at him, and my stomach twists in a way I've never felt before. I know its because I'm falling harder now, even though I didn't think it was possible. But, what if this was a one night stand? Considering we've been drinking, he might regret it in the morning. I really want him to be mine, and I'm going to do everything it takes to make it happen.

Chapter 12: Derek  
I open my eyes tiredly. The clock on my bedside table says 5:20 am. Shit I fell asleep! I look over and see Ried is sleeping too. Good. He looks so peaceful and adorable when he's sleeping. His hair is messy, he's tangled up in my sheets, facing me, and is snoring softly. I just wanna hold him; wrap him up in my arms. He's only 30, a few years younger than me. 

I think back to a few hours ago. I can't believe it all really happened. I can't believe I even made that move at the park. So I clearly must be bisexual. But I've never had these strong of feelings for anyone before. Why him? Why now? 

It takes me a second to realize my phone is ringing. What the hell? "Hello?" I whisper into the phone, not wanting to wake Ried. "Its Hotch. We have as case." I sigh tiredly. "Okay. See you soon." I hang up my phone. Not even two seconds later Ried's starts ringing. He doesn't hear it. I shake him a bit. "Ried." No response. "Ried.." Nothing. I start to panic, while his phone keeps ringing. "Ried!?" I shake him harder, startling him awake. "Answer you phone man." He looks confused; he's definitely hungover.  
He finally realizes his phone is ringing and answers it. "Hello?" His voice is hoarse and tired sounding. I now understand why girls like "sleepy voices". Its sexy as fuck. "Right now?" I hear Hotch on the other end of the phone. "Yea I'm fine, late night is all." He runs his fingers through his hair. "Okay. Bye." He hangs up his phone and collapses into the pillow. I moved close to him, bringing him into my arms. 

"Uh, good morning." He sighs into the pillow. "Good morning." His voice is muffled. "How are you feeling?" I already know the answer before he utters a word. He turns and looks at me. "Like shit. I have a pounding headache." I smile. "You, pretty boy, are hungover." He groans. "I knew this was going to happen. How am I going to go to work like this?" I pull him into me, and he buries his face into my chest. "I'll help you. A shower will help, to wake you up and stuff. Also Advil. I'll get you some." "Thank you," he mumbles into my chest. I kiss his forehead, then get up. 

I slip on my boxers and head to the bathroom. I open the mirror and get a couple Advil. When I close it, I see him standing behind me. "Jesus Christ, Ried!" I turn around and face him. My heart is beating so fast its threatening to pop out of my chest. He looks frightened. "I-I'm so sorry. I-I just thought I'd follow yo-" he doesn't even finish his sentence before he's hunched over the toilet getting sick. "Oh my God, Ried."

I go over to him, sit behind him, and start rubbing his back. I've been through this more than once. He continues to bed sick for 2 minutes. When he's done, he slumps down into my arms. He's sweating and shaking and is burning hot. "Maybe you shouldn't do the case today." His voice comes out as shaky whisper. "I already told Hotch I'm fine. I can't call back and change my mind." I sigh. "Alright. Well I'll give you some Advil and now some Gravol. Okay?" He nods his head. "Can you stand up?" He puts a hand on their tub and one on my shoulder. He lifts himself up with a struggle, but stands just fine. His legs are a bit shaky, threatening to give out any second. 

"Um, while you're in the shower I'm going to stay in here." "I'm not as child, I can look after myself," he snaps. "Ried. I just want to make sure you're okay..." I say with a little hurt in my voice. It must be because he doesn't feel good. He sighs. "I-I'm sorry. Okay. Stay in here with me, please." I nod.

"Um, I can get you some clean clothe if you'd like, and I have an extra tooth brush for you to use." He stares at me puzzled. "How come you're so prepared?" Silence falls between us. "Oh." Its because I'd always have girls coming over, I'd be prepared with things they needed.

"Here, I'll help you with the shower." He steps aside and I go to turn on the taps. "How hot do you want it?" He doesn't answer me. I turn around, and he's just staring into space. "R-Ried?" Nothing. Man he's really out of it. He has dark circles under his eyes, and is pale. God, he really shouldn't be going to work. I get up and shake him a bit. He comes back. "What?" I stare at him. "I said, how do you want it." He steps around me and feels the water. "That's good, thanks." I nod, and walk out to get his stuff ready.

Chapter 13: Ried  
I turn off the shower and pull back the curtain. The bathroom is filled with steam. Its sort of relaxing. I step out, and have to hold onto the towel bar. A wave of nausea hits me hard. I close my eyes and grit my teeth against the alcohol threatening to come back up. I already threw up once. I do NOT want to do it again.

After it passes I open my eyes. I grab the towel Derek has placed in here for me. I feel terrible for snapping. Isn't he supposed to be sitting in here with me? Just then he walks in. "Oh, sorry. I didn't know you were out." I look at his hands to see the clothe in them for me to wear. "Its okay, I didn't slip or die so you didn't miss much." I smirk a little, and so does he. "Okay, well I'll set these here for you. I'll give you some privacy." He blushes a bit and then walks out. He's actually quite a gentlemen.

I start to think about last night, and my own cheeks become dusted with pink. I can't believe it really happened. I remember his perfect lips crushed hard against mine. His hands touching all over my body. His mouth on my.. I blush hard.

I finish drying off, and realize I've developed a boner. Crap. I decide to try and ignore it and just get dressed. He'd gave me a black sweater and grey sweats. I guess it'll have to do, although Hotch won't be too fond of it. Oh well, not much I can do. I slip on the sweater, that surprisingly fits. Must be an old sweater. I breathe in, and it smells like him. I grow harder. Shit! Don't think about it, don't think about it, don't- "Ried? You almost done?" "Yea! Just uh, gotta put pants on." "Okay. Its just we have to go soon or we'll be late." "Sure thing. Hold on."

I grab the sweats and throw them on. They're a little loose, but oh well, it'll be fine. I grab the toothbrush he got for me, squeeze toothpaste on it and start brushing. I stare at myself in the mirror, almost not recognizing the young man staring back. I look like I haven't slept for weeks, my eyes showing severe dark circles underneath along with a pale face. Jeez, last time I'm drinking that much.

After I'm done brushing my teeth I brush my hair quickly. I hurry out of the bathroom, Derek already ready. "I just realized we have to stop at my apartment, I need to grab my traveling bag." Derek nods. "Okay. Ready?" I give a short nod, grab my dirty clothe, and we walk out the door.

When we approach the car and get in, he looks over to me. "Are you alright?" I look out the window. "Yea, I'm just still nauseous, and have a bit of a headache." I turn and give him a reassuring smile. He sighs and starts the car. I know he doesn't believe me. But thats okay. 

I stare out the window again. I saw that it was 6:30 am. The sky is painted in aggressive streaks of red, purple and blue. The sky is clear, so it'll probably be a really hot day. Its the middle of June, so its starting break into crippling heat. Derek clears his throat. "Would you like to stop for food before we go to your place?" At the thought of food my stomach clenches in protest. "Um, I'm good thank you. My stomach is still really upset." "Alright." He turns down my street and pulls up to my apartment. "I'll be right back," I mumble as I get out. 

I run up the stairs to my apartment. I fumbled with the keys, but finally get there right one and open my door. I close it behind me and take my shoes off. I go to my room and grab my duffle bag from the closet. I pack 3 pairs of pants, shirts, and boxers. My spare brush, toothbrush, and cologne are already in it from last time. I run into the bathroom and quickly grab my gel. I put a little in my hair to make myself a little more decent. 

I'm about to leave when a wave a nausea hits me. I run to the toilet and get sick again. My stomach clenches and my throat burns from alcohol and stomach acid. Once I'm done, I brush my teeth again. I mentally remind myself to bring my sunglasses. My eyes are bloodshot from lack of sleep and getting. After I'm done brushing my teeth, I grab my duffle bag, sunglasses, and head out the door.

Derek has the windows down, because the heat is already becoming unbearable. I'm sweating in the 10 steps it takes me to reach his car. "You ready to go?" I nod, because its all I can manage at the moment. I'm feeling too dizzy and extremely weak. "Hey, are you alright? You look worse than you did before you got out of the car.." he asks suspiciously. I think about lying again, but guilt starts seeping into my stomach. "Um, no. I'm not alright." I sigh heavily. "I got sick inside, and I'm feeling dizzy and weak." Concern and worry appear in his eyes. I put a shaky hand over his. He squeezes it. "I really think you should stay here." I shake my head. "No use. I'll just take a Gravol and sleep on the plane. Let's go." I put my seat belt on and stare out the window again.

. . .

We arrive at work just in time to see the team heading to the plane. Hotch approaches us. "You guys can catch up on the plane." He glances at me with hard eyes. "You okay?" I nod. "Like I said, rough night." He looks between the two of us. "Alright. Let's go." We follow after him. 

A sudden urge to hold Derek's hand comes over me, and it takes every fiber of my being NOT to. So where does this leave us? Are we together? One night stand? All these thoughts cloud my mind and hurt my head. So does the sun, which is beating right down on me. 

When I enter the plane cold air hits me instantly. It send chills down my spine, causing goose bumps to form. "Morning Ried!" JJ greets me cheerfully. I cringe at her voice. "Morning JJ," I say in a whispered voice. She looks a little puzzled. "Are you alright?" "Yea. Just had a rough night. I have a headache too." In what seems like lightning speed, she has my sunglasses off. She looks at my eyes. "Ried, are you- are you hungover?" "Shhhh!" I hiss with bubbling anger, and snatch my sunglasses back. "Well? Are you?" I look around frantically. "Yes. Now keep your damn voice down." Her face twists into hurt, and I sigh. "I'm sorry. I just, don't feel good and I don't want people knowing the reason why." Her face softens.

"Alright, I'm sorry too. But come here." She grabs her purse and starts digging through it while guiding me to the bathroom. She pulls out a small thing of Viseen. "This will help with the red eyes." I smile. "How are you girls so prepared for everything?" She laughs. "Its for Henry, when he gets its allergies. But you keep it, I'll buy him some more when we get back." I awkwardly hug her. "Thank you." We go to walk out. I put the Viseen in my eyes quickly, then put my sunglasses back on. I walk over to the couch and sit down. I put my headphones in, put my hood up, and go to sleep.

Chapter 14: Derek  
Ried shouldn't really be sleeping right now. He needs to know the case. He's going to be so lost.. well really he can catch up quickly, but he should still be awake. 

I look over last him, sleeping peacefully. He looks so innocent. He's all curled up in a corner of the couch, with his hands crossed over his chest and his hood hiding his eyes. Poor kid. He must be feeling so shitty. "Enjoying your view?" I jump at Emily's voice. "I suppose. I'm just watching him sleep. He looks uncomfortable. " She raises a eyebrow. "He always sleeps like that, and you're now all of a sudden concerned?" I feel my cheeks becoming pink. I look out the plane window. "Morgan." I look at Emily. "Yes?" She looks into my eyes. "Ried was with you last night, wasn't he." I sigh in defeat and nod. "I needed to.. figure some things out." She nods, and puts her hand on mine. She knows. I look away, because I can't look her in the eyes. I'm too afraid. "When you want to talk about it, you know how's to reach me." I'm still looking out the window. "Thank you," I whisper and squeeze her hand.

She gets up and goes to sit across from JJ. I just watch out the window as we fly over water. It looks so far away. I slip into thoughts of last night. I remember his panicked face, nervous eyes. I remember the feel of his soft skin against mine. His perfect lips moving in sync with mine. His chorus of moans filled with pleasure and nervousness. I blush at the thought of what happened right before we went to sleep. Where does this leave us? I do NOT want this to be a one night stand. Not with him. But why? 

I have these feelings deep inside me. And when he comes around, the surface. I want him. And not just for one silly night. I want to know the feeling of waking up with him in my arms, all tangled up in my sheets. His good morning kisses, and spending breakfast together. Coming home with him, knowing he's all mine. That's it then; when we get home, I'm making him mine.

Chapter 15: Ried  
I feel something shaking me. I'm pulled out of as deep sleep to Derek shaking me awake. I pull out my headphones. "Hey pretty boy. Time to wake up." I'm a little confused, until I remember we're on the plane. I sit up and run my fingers through my hair. I rub my eyes tiredly. "Where are we?" My voice is rough from my sore throat. "Almost in New York." I just wanted to wake you up a bit before we got there, to give you time to wake up." He smiles a breathtaking smile that tugs at my heart. "Thank you."

He sits down beside me. "How you feeling?" I stop to actually see how I feel. My headache is almost gone, and I don't feel sick anymore. My dizziness is also gone. "A lot better actually. Just a dull headache and sore throat. Could you get me a bottle of water please?" "Anything for you pretty boy." He winks at me then walks away. I feel pink creep into my cheeks as I watch him. God he's so sexy. He also has a really nice ass. I'm checking it out when JJ sits beside me. 

"What are you staring at?" I jump as my heart starts pounding in my chest. "N-nothing. I-I just asked Derek to get me some water." He starts walking towards me, and is looking at me like I'm the only person on this plane. My cheeks become painted with red, so I look some where else. I hope JJ didn't notice. I look over, and she's smiling like she just won the lottery. She knows. 

I start panicking. My hands start shaking and my stomach starts twisting. My breathing has quickened and is coming out hard. "Ried, you alright?" I see JJ looking smiling, and Derek standing in front of me. Its all too much. I get up and run to the bathroom, and lock the door behind me. I turn on the tap and splash water onto my face. I look at myself in the mirror. I watch as the fear trickles into my eyes. I'm still shaking and breathing hard. 

She can't know. No no no. What will shed think? Will she be disgusted? Disown us? My throat begins to grow thick and my lip starts quivering. Oh God no. Don't cry. Please don't- and suddenly tears are pouring out of my eyes. They fall steadily down my face. A bunch of thoughts attack my mind. Kissing Derek, falling asleep with him, JJ smiling, Derek winking. Emotions start tearing me apart. Confusion, lust, anxiety, and lastly; love. That one scares me the most, and I cry harder. I try to stop them, try to will them away. I'm not good with feelings, I can't cope with them. I've succeeded in cutting myself from them, or maybe I just repressed them. A sign of childhood trauma. But why must they hit me now?

A soft knock sounds against the door. "Ried?" Its Hotch. I take a deep breath, and try to calm myself. "Y-yes?" My voice squeaks. "Are you alright?" "Yup. Just thought that um, I was going to be sick." "Well did you?" "No, I'm okay." He pauses. "Okay. Well we're landing, so hurry up." "Yes sir." I splash water onto my face again. I force myself to get a grip, and walk out of the bathroom.

Chapter 16: Derek  
Ried walks out of the bathroom 10 minutes later, once Hotch told him to get out. It was so weird. He was fine one second, then running for the bathroom the next. He comes to grab his duffle bag that I already have ready for him. He doesn't look at me. "Th-thank you." "No problem. You alright? Did you get sick?" He pauses for a second. "No, but I thought I was. So I stayed in there, just to make sure." Something is off. He's avoiding eye contact and is biting his lip. He's lying, but why? My stomach twists in hurt and I bring my hand to his face gently. "You can talk to me about anything, you know that right? I will never judge you." His eyes dart around the plane nervously. "Um yea. Thanks." He rushes away and is off the plane in 5 seconds. What did I do? There's no one on here. I suppose he didn't know that.

I grab my duffle bag and walk off the plane. Its 8:30 am, and is already 80°F. It is going to be one hot day. We all walk towards the SUV's. "Okay. Derek, Ried, and Rossi you guys ride together and I'll ride with the girls." I laugh. "You trying to make your move on the ladies Hotch?" The girls giggle. "I don't know if my husband will agree to that, but Emily might take you up on it." Emily looks over at Hotch and winks at him, and we all start laughing. Hotch rolls his eyes. "Let's get going." We all head to our SUV's.

"Who wants to drive?" Ried obviously isn't good enough to drive, so its either me or Rossi. "Who don't you," Rossi suggests. "Alright." I open the drivers door and hop in. I expect Ried to get in beside me like usual, but he goes into the back. Now I know something is definitely wrong.

"Rossi, can you fill pretty boy in on what's happening?" "Listen up boy genius. 3 girls had gone missing, and have all shown up dead in ditches for the past month. They all have marks around their wrists and ankles, showing they've been tied up. They also have needle marks up their arms. They all seem to be brunette and in their early 20's. They haven't figured out what drug they have been given yet, but they think heroin. They all have been stabbed between 10-20 times." 

I look up at Ried's face in the review mirror, and discover that his face has blanched and he looks like he's going to break. "Ried? You alright?" He's unresponsive. Rossi and I exchange a worried look, and I pull the car over. "Derek." Rossi protests against me, but I'm already out of the car and ripping open Ried's door. "Ried." I shake him, and still nothing. "God dammit Ried what's wrong with you!?" I unbuckle his seat belt and turn him towards me. "Derek calm down!" Rossi yells at me. "Nah man. Something been wrong with him all fucking morning."

I slap Ried's face. He responds with a shocked expression. I just stand there. I can't believe I just did that. Rossi just stares at me. "Ried.." My voice comes out in a pained whisper. "I-I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to. You weren't answering, and I got scared.." "Its okay." His voice comes out calmer then it should be. My fear and anger creep back. "What is wrong with you man? You've been switching between happy then being a mess all morning." I bring my voice lower. "Is it because of last night?" His eyes dart to me and I see they're filled with... nothing. I can't see anything. "Yes. I mean, no. I mean.. I don't know." He sighs. That's all I needed to hear. "Sit back in your seat." "Derek?" Ried asks a little panic. "Sit. Back," I say through clenched teeth. As soon as he moves his legs I slam his door with more strength than intended. But I'm furious. Hurt.

I swing my door open and slam it, too. "You're too messed up right now to work. When we get to the hotel, you're staying there. End of story." I don't dare look at him. Rossi stays quiet. I turn the radio on and blare the music. Last time I let someone in.

Chapter 17: Ried  
I watch out the window as Derek and Rossi drive away. Like usual, I said the wrong thing. I didn't mean for it to sound like it's HIS fault. Because it isn't. It's mine, for being so out of touch with my feelings. But he doesn't understand. He doesn't know the reason why I acted the way I did. No one does. 

Flash backs threaten to burst through the wall I've built up to keep them from killing me more. The wall is starting to crack. I walk away from the window and head to the double bed. I really need something to distract me, but I really don't wanna watch TV. 

I strip out of all my clothing except my boxers. I slip between the cool sheets. The curtains have fallen closed, so it's dark in here. I like it this way, and I close my eyes. Behind my eyes pictures of Derek's face twisted with hurt and anger appear. My heart clenches. God, I'm so stupid! Why couldn't I be smarter in knowing how to keep people? I roll over onto my side and close myself into the fetal position, to brace myself for what's coming. 

I close my eyes, and the wall crashes down. Millions of memories from 2 months ago over a 5 month period slam around me. The brown bottle holding the substance. Me tying my arm off with a rubber band, to pop out the abused vein. Then the needle. The sting. Me pushing the plunger down, injecting the sweet bitter poisonous substance. Feeling it run cold through my veins running straight to my head. Then the numbing feeling, then blacking out.

I gasp at the weight being pushed down on me. Its suffocating. I clench my arms around myself, to keep myself from shattering. I held it all in for so long, but it was the only way to cope with the job, the nightmares, my feelings. At this point, I don't hold the tears back. I start crying, and not the cute kind. I'm crying those heart wrenching, body aching, loud cries you do when you can't do anything BUT that. I just let the steady flow of teases run down my face, soaking my pillow. The more I try silencing my demons, the louder they become, the harder they fight back. 

After awhile I'm almost completely calmed down. I look at the clock, it says 10:30 am. I've been crying for 45 minutes minutes. I sigh. I'm such a pussy. Those kids in high school were right.. I can't handle anything. Not then, not now. But what am I supposed to do today?

I suddenly get an idea and slip out from between the sheets. I walk over to my duffle bag and go inside and take out my pill bottle, shaking out two sleeping pills. I got them months ago, so I could actually sleep at night without nightmares. I grab the water bottle Derek got me on the plane. I slip the two pills into my mouth and swallow. I didn't do it fast enough though, because the bitter taste of them settles on my tongue. I cringe but walk back to the bed.

I slip back between the sheets, which are still warm from my body. The effects of my pills will start hitting me in under 2 minutes. I get comfortable and close my eyes. My mind reels back to the events of last night when Derek first kissed me. It was intense. Fearless. Beautiful. Terrifying. My eyes start growing heavy. My thoughts become fuzzy at the edges. What was I just thinking about? I don't know anymore, but I fall into a deep hole of unconsciousness with Derek being the last thing on my mind.

Chapter 18: Derek  
I hear a soft knock on my hotel door. I open one eye tiredly, and look at the digital clock on the bedside table. 4:23 am. Who the hell would be at my door? An uneasy feeling sets into my stomach and I grab my gun. When I approach the door, I look through the peep hole. Its Ried. He looks like he's just woken up. His hair's a mess, he has tired eyes, and he's just wearing pajama bottoms. 

Frustration and hurt from today's event seep back into my stomach. I set my gun down on the table by the door. "Derek, please." His voice comes out weak and tired. It makes my heart ache a bit. No. I need to be upset right now. 

I unlock the door and open it slowly. "It's 4:25 in the morning," I say flatly. Its all I'm able to say. "Can I please come in." I step to the side to let him through. As he passes me I notice he smells like clean laundry mixed with a faint smell of sweat. For some reason it twists my stomach. I can't give in. Not yet.

I go to turn on thee light, but am stopped by Ried's voice. "No. K-keep it off." I drop my hand and turn towards the bed, where he has settle himself. "Come here." He pats the bed, and I sigh and cross my arms. "What are you doing here?" He doesn't answer right away. "I... had a bad dream." "So you come here?" His turn to sigh. "Yes. I didn't want to be alone.." His voice cracks a bit, indicating he's going to cry. Oh God, please no. Still, I can't break yet.

"Well, you should have thought about that earlier," I say sharply. In the pale moonlight that's illuminating his skin, I see him cringe against my words. "I know. I... wasn't thinking. Look. Could you please come here?" I walk 5 steps from the door to the bed, and sit on the edge with my back facing him. He doesn't move. "Derek. You, you know I'm not good with my emotions..." I sigh. "I know. But, that doesn't mean you can snap at me, or hurt me like that." "What, do you think I enjoyed it? You took it in the opposite way that I meant it." 

I take a deep breath. "How did you mean it then?" "Well, yes, it was because of last night. But YOU didn't do anything. Its me. My emotions were surfacing too fast, and I was scared and couldn't handle them..." I break. I should have known that, but I let my OWN emotions get I the way. "I know. I'm sorry too, I wasn't thinking clearly. It's just, these feelings I have for you, they're so different, so much deeper..." I feel the bed shift and he crawls over to me. I feel him sit behind me, and he puts his arms over my shoulders and around my chest. "It's okay," he whispers, with his lips brushing against my ear. He moves down to my neck, and I pay attention to the feel of his soft lips on my skin. He kisses a "soft spot" I call it, and I moan. I feel his lips play into smile. He sits back, and I turn around and look over my shoulder. 

He's sitting against the headboard, with his pajama pants loose around his waist, and his hair messy. The way the moon is casting a shadow on his face, makes him look incredibly sexy. "Come here." His voice is for some reason deeper then normal, and rough. I crawl over to him, and get on top. I pull him down on the bed so he's lying down. 

I lower my head and kiss his lips desperately. He responds by parting his lips, letting me slip my tongue inside. We explore each others mouths, memorizing each others taste. I deepen the kiss as he wraps his arms around my neck pulling me closer to him. After a while we pull away to catch our breath. We're breathing heavily, caught up in each others kiss. This kiss seemed different, fueled by passion and pure desire. 

I move my lips across his strong jawline, and move to his neck. I kiss it, then suck on it a bit. He let's out breathless, deep throat moan into my ear. I suck a little harder, ending with a little bite. He twitches, then moans again. He tightens his grip around my neck. I start kissing and sucking all over his neck. With every one he moans a little louder. 

I kiss over his shoulder, his collar bone then down his body. I move my hands down his soft skin, continuing to kiss him all the way down his body. When I get to his waist, he nods and I take off his pants. He isn't wearing boxers, and I breathe out slowly. I become nervous again. "Is everything alright?" "Yea, just nervous." He sits up and grabs my face. "Don't be. Tonight, let's not think. Just do. Go on what you feel. It could feel better, considering we're not drunk this time." He smiles crookedly, and I kiss him passionately. "Okay. Now lie down pretty boy." "Yes sir." He voice comes out low and sexual, and it pushes me to do as he said; don't think. Just do.

He's become hard, so I just immediately put my mouth over his dick and start moving up and down slowly. He lets out a moan, and rises his hips up a bit. I fully insert it into my mouth, and when I come back again, I use my tongue. He gasps and grips the sheets like his life depends on it. I pick up the speed and keep using my tongue as I continue to put him down my throat. He grabs my face and pulls me to him then kisses me intensely. He then pulls away breathless. "I don't want to cum yet." He flip me over so I'm lying down. "Damn Ried, you certainly aren't as innocent as I believed you were." He smiles seductively. "There's a lot of things about me you don't know." He playfully bites my lower lip, and I let out a moan. 

He stays on top of me as he lowers his head to my neck. He gives me a few kisses, then takes off my shirt and comes back down. "Where did this part of you come from? It's really sexy." "I'm not too sure. But shut up and stop talking." I do as he says as he goes to take off my pajama pants. I breathe in and watch as he takes them off. 

By now, I am completely hard. Ried makes a satisfied noise and then put my dick inside his mouth. He sucks on it eagerly, like he's done it a million times. He adds tongue and I grab as hold of his hair, pleased with the feeling of his silky curls between my fingers. I control his head with one hand as the other grips the sheet. His mouth feels absolutely amazing sliding over my dick again and again. I start loosing myself in the feeling of his rhythmic sucking and licking. I let moans escape from my lips as I bite my lip against the pleasure building up. "R-Ried, I'm going t-to cum soon." I start tensing as the pressure starts coursing up my dick. He stops and lifts his head. "I don't want you to cum yet." I'm a bit confused. "Why? What else is there to-" I stop mid sentence. He's actually ready for that? 

"Derek. Please? I really want you..." He bites his lip and looks away. Okay. I can do this. And surprisingly, I want to. "Okay. Come here." He moves towards me, and I grab him and kiss his beautiful lips hard. When I pull away, my lips are screaming for more, but I protest. "Are you sure you're ready for this? Its going to hurt really bad." He doesn't udder a word, but I see in his eyes he really wants it. "Alright. Move and place yourself here." I go to get off the bed, but he grabs my wrist. "Where are you going?" I look back at him, and he looks terrified. "I'm just going to get something to make it a little easier for you, just relax." He looks at my quizzically. "Lube, Ried." He then understands but a look of embarrassment runs across his face. "Why do you even have lube with you?" I blush a bit. "A man has needs, and when we're on the job, there isn't really much time to go looking for someone." He nods his head and he finally let's go of my wrist and I go to get my lube. My heart is hammering in my chest. I'm sweating. I've never done this before, and I'm absolutely terrified. Its one thing to do it with girls, but with a guy? I don't know. 

I walk back to Ried. He's sitting on the bed, patiently waiting for me. "Okay. Get back in the position pretty boy." He does as I say without a word. I walk over to the bed and climb up behind him. I adjust myself so I'm perfectly aligned with him. I open the bottle and squeeze some lube onto my dick that is now pulsing with anticipation. I set it down on the bed side table, and rube it on my dick. It's cold, but feels amazing and I moan softly. Ried clears his throat. "S-sorry. Was just spreading it and it felt good..." "It's okay. Ready?" "Yes. Are you?" He hesitates.

Chapter 19: Ried  
"Yes. I'm ready." He puts a hand on my waist as he directs himself towards me with the other. I mentally brace myself for what's to come. At first, its just a slight pressure. I breathe in deeply as he pushes a little more. There's no some pain, but not much to make me cry out.. yet. I clench the pillow with my hands. "Good so far?" "Y-yea," I struggle to say. He pushes a little harder, but then slips and pushes in a little too hard. White hot pain shoots through my body and I start to feel sick. "Oh God, are you okay? I slipped." I can't even speak or else the scream I'm holding in will come out. So I just nod, praying he sees it. 

"Okay." He places both hands on my waist. He pushes in farther, and let's out a loud moan. "God it's so tight. It feels s-so good." He moans again. "You know w-what? Just g-go right in. Get it d-done and over with." I'm breathless from holding in my breath against the pain. "Ried, that-" "Please. Don't argue. Just do it." "Alright." He tightens his grip on my waist, and I can feel them shaking. "1,2,3." On three he plunges all the way in. The scream rips through my lips and into the pillow. I almost get sick as the pain blinds and paralyzes me for a couple seconds. He let's out a loud moan. "A-are you okay?" He's breathless. Does it feel that good? Or maybe he's nervous? "J-just give me a seconds," I say through clenched teeth. "Okay. Take all the time you need." 

He starts tenderly kissing my back and grips my waist. I moan this time. "Alright. G-go ahead." He sits up and starts pulling out slowly. Sharp pain attacks my lower region and I gasp. "I'm going to start picking up speed little by little. Okay?" "Yea, okay." He let's out a deep breath as he goes in again. The pain is a little bearable now. My hands are still clenching the pillow and my teeth are gritted together. As he picks up speed, the pain starts to melt into pleasure. My hands slowly unclench as his tighten around my waist. 

Then, all of a sudden the pain is completely erased and wave after wave of pleasure takes it's place. I let out a breathless moan, over come by the intense pleasure. "Ohh Ried." Derek moans my name. "H-harder." "What?" Derek asks a little shocked. "Please. Go harder." He doesn't hesitate. He picks up speed and also goes harder. Oh my good God. The feeling is like pure Ecstasy. I complete lose control and let Derek take charge. Moan after breathless moan escape from our lips. "Oh God Derek." I moan his name and bite my lip. I feel pre-cum drip from my dick, so I move hand down there and start stroking myself as he's pounding me from behind. Oh God this feels 10x better. I'm so over come by pleasure I cum almost instantly. "Hey Derek? I am NOT going to last." "Me either." 

He fucks me harder and at the same time we both fall down and cum. We both let out incredibly loud moans as we finish. We're both breathing like we just ran a marathon. I notice I'm shaking and also sweating. Derek drags his over and grabs mine into his hand. He interlocks them with mine, and squeezes my hand. I squeeze his back. "Ried..." "Yes?" I'm still breathing hard. "That was absolutely amazing." I laugh a little. "That's because it was tighter than what you're used to." He sighs. "No Ried. I don't care if it was tighter or not. It was the emotional feeling, it was more than just lust and-" I cut him off. "I need to clean up." "Oh, um yea. Okay." I go to get up, but pain strikes my lower region then up my back. "Ried, you okay?" "Um, no. Can you get me something to clean up? I uh, can't get up." Even in the pale moonlight I can see worry and sympathy run across his face. Derek gets up to go to the bathroom. As he stands up, he needs to grip the bed frame. "Are you alright?" "Yup, just a little shaky. That's all." Well I'm glad I'm not the only one who is. 

He rushes back to me in a hurry, and hands me a handful of tissues. "Thank you." "No problem." As we clean up, we don't speak. What's there to say? I throw out my tissues very painfully and lye back down on the bed. Derek slips in beside me. "Come here." I move over and he wraps me up into his arms. I move onto my side and face him; it hurts a lot less. I bury my face into his chest and breathe him in. He still smells amazing. He kisses my forehead and holds me tighter. "Goodnight pretty boy." I smile against his chest. "Goodnight Derek." And for the first time in a long time, I fall asleep with no fear.

Chapter 20: Derek  
I'm pulled out of my sleep by my phone ringing. I have to lean over Ried to get it. "Hello?" "Hey. We have a lead. Come to the station as soon as possible." It's Hotch. "Yea, okay." "Also, could you check on Ried? Make sure he's okay." "Okay. See you later." I hang up the phone and set it back down. Ried turns towards me. "Do you have to go?" His voice is thick with sleep, and is a little rough. Man is it ever sexy. "Unfortunately. We have a lead." He sighs and rubs his eyes, then yawns and moves towards me. "I'll come back and check on you later, okay?" He nods then puts his face into my neck. He can be so adorable sometimes. I got it; he's adorably sexy. I laugh out loud. "What's so funny?" Ried asks. "Nothing. You get more sleep okay? And uh, how are you feeling?" I watch as pink slowly creeps into his cheeks. "I feel like I was literally ripped open and then hit by a truck." We both laugh. "I'm sorry. I have some Tylonal in my bag, would you like some?" "That'd be great, thank you." I slide him off of me and slide out of the covers. It is freezing in here! They have the air conditioner way too high. 

I go to my bag and shake him out as couple Tylonals. I grab a water bottle I got from the plane and pass it to him along with the Tylonals. As I'm walking back I catch Ried eyeing me up. It's then that I realize I'm not wearing anything. My cheeks instantly turn red. "Um, here's the Tylonal for you." He laughs and sits up. As he's getting up to grab them, he gasps and winces. "That bad?" He nods slightly with his eyes still closed. "I'm so sorry Ried." Guilt starts to settle into my stomach. "Don't be. It was perfect, and I'm the one who asked for it." I sit beside him. "I know that, but I feel bad that you're hurting and I not." He smirks. "Derek. Really, its okay. I'll survive." He looks over and smiles at me. I search his eyes, and he's taking the truth. I smile back, but the guilt is still sitting there, heavy on my stomach. "Alright. Well I got to get ready, so I'll see you later okay? Get some more sleep too." He kisses my lips softly and a little hesitantly. "Okay. And Derek? Thank you." I look at him with confusion. "For what?" "Taking care of me." Pink blossoms onto his cheeks. I smile at him. "No problem pretty boy." 

I get up and change quickly. There isn't any time for a shower, though I really wish I could. But I go and brush my teeth next. After I'm done and ready to leave, I walk over to Ried. "Bye kid. I'll check in later." He takes a hand to my face and kisses me hard. "Okay. Bye." He lies back down and turns back onto his side quickly. First I'm surprised, then I smile. As I'm walking it the door, my heart is pounding, my stomach fluttering, and I'm smiling like a complete idiot.

. . .

Everybody is already at the station when I arrive. Hotch approaches me. "Hey. So you and JJ are going to this place, this where the unsub works. You'll ask about his behavior, his ethics, his schedule and attendance etc. Rossi, Emily and I are going to his house. Call me if anything happens." "Alright. Let's go."

Once JJ and I get into the SUV, she turns to me. "Alright, spill it." I stare at her in complete confusion. "You and Ried. Spill." My blood runs cold, and my stomach knots in fear. I try and hide it from her while I answer. "What do you mean?" I look over at her as she rolls her eyes. "I saw him go to your room last night as I was coming back from getting a snack, and never heard him leave. That was at 4:30 in the morning." My throat becomes thick and my mouth becomes dry. I have to cough before I speak again. "He wasn't feeling well, and also had a nightmare, and he didn't want to be alone in case something happened." I start driving to avoid eye contact with her. "I never saw him leave this morning either." "So, you haven't slept, and the only thing you could find to do was watch me and see what I'm up to? Why does it matter anyways?" I snap. "Because, it looks like something completely different." My hands tighten around the steering wheel. Sometimes I hate having friends in the BAU because they know exactly what to say, and know how to prick and pry. 

"He didn't leave this morning because he was sleeping, and I didn't want to wake him up." I think back to what Emily said and how she knows, and think that maybe.. no. She wouldn't have said anything. "Derek, you know you can tell me anything." I can feel her watching every movement I make, to see if I'm giving in. She's sadly mistaken. "I would, if there was something worth mentioning. But, there isn't, because what I told you is the truth. He just didn't want to be alone." 

We arrive to the work place 2 seconds later. Before we get she sighs. "Okay. But whenever you decide to tell the truth, I'll be waiting." She gets out of the car and slams her door. I truly do feel bad for not telling her, but what do I tell her? Hey me and Ried have accepted our feelings for each other and we just made over last night? I don't think so. But, I need to concentrate right now. I push away all thoughts of Ried and get out of the car. 

JJ has already beat me inside. I'm greeted by a huge desk, with a young secretary behind it. And behind her, two sets of stair leading to the upstairs. The girl behind the desk looks up. "May I help you?" She looks to be in her mid 20's. She has long, brown curly hair that goes past her boulders. She has striking, bright green eyes that are warm and welcoming. And then added to all that is an incredible curvy body. Usually, I'd be aroused by now and would be teasing her a little, by striking a breath taking smile and showing off a bit. But, I fee nothing. Absolutely nothing except she's possibly a key witness. 

"Morning.. Lucy. Did Jason Devoux show up for work today?" She smiles brightly at me. "I can check, just hold on." When she goes to stand up she bends over a bit, exposing some of her breasts. Still, I feel nothing. "Wow, she is really digging you. Are you going to sweep her off her feet?" I laugh, "No, not today." She looks skeptical. "Really? Usually you dive right in and play along." "Yea I know, but I'm not feeling like breaking a girls heart today." Her turn to laugh. That secretary makes her way back to us, swaying her hips with every step. "No, he isn't here. He hasn't been here for four days, which is strange." "And why's that?" JJ asks. "He has never missed a day without calling in with an explanation." "Okay thank you. Have a good day." "Yea you too." She winks at me as I go to leave, and I have no desire to give one back.

I take out my phone and call Hotch. "He didn't show up for work today, and the lady at the desk-" "I know. We're at his house, and we hear muffled screams inside." "We'll be there as fast as we can." I hang up and run to the SUV. "They got him let's go."

. . .

Once we catch him and get him in the cop car, I call Ried. It rings once. Twice. Three times then it goes to voicemail. Shit, he didn't bring his phone to my room with him last night. Panic starts to set in. "Hey Hotch, can I go check on Ried? He isn't answering his phone." He hesitates, then sighs. "Sure. Take JJ with you, the rest of us will be back soon." "Thanks Hotch." I run the the SUV and practically speed the entire way to the hotel.

Chapter 21: Ried  
I hear the hotel door open then shut quietly. I'm pulled out of a deep, dreamless sleep. I don't have a weapon, what if its an unsub who found out where I am? "D-Derek? Is that you?" I feel the bed sink down. "Yea kid, it just me." I relax immediately. "How'd it go?" "Fine. We obviously got him so were getting ready to head home." I groan with dread. I can still barely even move. "Oh God. Could you um, grab my pants for me?" He bends over and hands them to me. "Still hurts does it?" I nod. "Very much so." I stand and practically double over from the pain. "Jesus Ried. This is terrible. How are you even going to walk back to your room?" Honestly I don't even want to think about it. "With extreme difficulty." He sighs with concern growing in his eyes. "How about you sit here while I get ready? I don't want you to have to move more than you need to." "Um, alright."

I watch as he walks around, cleaning up the room. As he does that, I focus on putting my pants on. With every tiny movement pain explodes in my lower back. But, I continue pushing through the pain until I get them on. In the 7 minutes it took him to clean up and get ready, it took me that whole time to get my pants on. "Ready pretty boy?" "No, but I don't really have a choice." He walks over to me and offers me his arm. "Thank you." I take ahold of his strong arm and stand up. Once again the pain appears. But now I'm getting used to it, so I try not to pay much attention to it. "Alright, let's go."

 

He starts walking towards the door and I just tag behind him painfully. When we step out into the hallway, the bright lights pierce my eyes and I through my hands up to shield them. "Too bright?" I nod. "Let's just hurry and get to my room." Although its only 5 doors away, it feels like a lifetime getting there. I reach in my pajama pockets and pull out the key. As we walk in and go to shut the door, I see JJ and Emily watching us from their door. I shut the door quickly behind us, and Derek sets down his bag. "Would you like me to help with anything?" He can be such a gentleman sometimes. "That'd be great actually. Could you make the bed as I pack up my stuff? I didn't make it before I came and uh, saw you last night." He smiles and my heart flutters. "Sure thing kid." I smile back, and my cheeks start heating up.

As he goes to work on the bed, I start changing into appropriate clothing. I first take off my pants and reach for clean boxers. As I do, I hear a whistling sound. "Damn Ried, you look so good from behind." I look over my shoulder to see him biting his lip. "Thank you, but you aren't too bad yourself," I through over my shoulder as I slip on my boxers. When I turn around, he has the bed perfectly made. "Come," I say as I wave him over with my finger. He doesn't miss a beat. He covers 10 feet in 3 seconds flat. When he reaches me he kisses me hard and pins me against the wall. My heart starts racing, and he kisses me again and ends by biting my lip. I let out a moan. "God I really want you right now," I say against his lips, and he smiles against mine. "I know the feeling. The things I'd do to you." He winks at me as he looks up and down me, undressing me with his eyes, and the urge to throw him on the freshly made bed strikes me intensely. "Oh yea? And what, exactly, would you do to me you big tough guy?" Just as he's about to tell me, a knock echo's throughout the hotel room. "Who- who is it?" "Hotch. Are you almost done in there?" Damn. "Yea, give me a sec." I look back to Derek. "Keep that thought." I kiss him hard then move from in front of him and get dressed. "Oh I will. Don't you worry." A thought comes to mind. "Would you like to come over tonight?" He smirks at me. "I'd love to, but I have some paperwork to do before I come, okay?" "Thats fine." 

I finish getting ready and we walk out the door together. Hotch is standing there waiting. "You two finally ready?" He says impatiently. My cheeks go red, indicating I'm hiding something. Derek and I share a nervous glance at each other, then look back to Hotch. "Um, yes." "Good. Let's go." He starts walking away, and I lean closer to Derek. "Do- do you think he knows?" I whisper into his ear. "I doubt it. He's just impatient and wants to go home." Derek stays calm, while I battle rising panic and anxiety within myself. 

We both go to get into the SUV, when a hand rests on my on my shoulder. I turn around to see Hotch standing there again. "I want you to go with JJ and Emily. You drive." My mouth goes dry and my stomach sinks. This can't be happening. "Ried." Hotch's voiced sounds a million miles away, while I'm starting to slowly fall- "Ried?" I focus back on Hotch. "Y-yea. Sure." I chance a look at Derek, and his eyes hold sympathy. 

I walk towards the other SUV with Emily and JJ already in it. Emily is in the front, JJ in the back. That actually isn't too bad, Emily doesn't pry as much as JJ. I climb into the drivers seat and and buckle myself in. "Hey Ried. How you feeling?" Emily asks. "Better than yesterday, thats for sure." I smile weakly at her, and she returns it with a heart warming smile. I start the SUV and heads for the airport. It should take only half an hour to get there. Nobody in the SUV speaks for about 5 minutes. JJ clears her throat. "So, Spence, what was wrong, exactly?" I look at her in the review mirror. I already told her... "I'm not too sure. Maybe a bug in the air. Did you know-" "No statistics right now. Not the time. I was talking about this morning, at 4:30 am." My face flushes hot, and my grip tightens around the steering wheel. Emily speaks now. "What? I didn't know about this." I can feel her staring at me, and I see my knuckles have turned white from holding so tightly. "I don't believe it really matters," I say through clenched teeth. My throat has now become thick and dry. "Well, if it isn't a big deal, then why can't you tell us?" Emily asks puzzled. Screw you JJ. "I didn't feel good and Derek had Tylonal and stuff." "Did you have a nightmare?" My turn to be confused. "Did I say that...? But no, I didn't have one." "Hmm, thats strange." I look at JJ in the review mirror again. "What's so strange about that? Am I supposed to?" I look at the clock on the dashboard. Only 10 minutes have passed since we started driving. Jesus Christ.

"No, its just that Derek said you did." My heart skips a beat, and I almost loose my composure right now. I try to calm my now shaky voice, but fail completely. "T-then why did you ask m-me?" "Because you seemed suspicious and nervous, just like you are right now. So either he's lying, you're lying, or you're both lying." "What going on Ried?" Emily asks in a hushed tone. I sigh in defeat, knowing I can't win against two girls. A tear escapes from my eye. "Things are... complicated right now..." "With you and Derek?" asks JJ. "Y-yes. The other night he told me to meet him last the park near my house." "Okay, so what did he want?" Emily pushes. I swallow the lump in my throat, wipe away the tears slowly falling down my face, and continue talking.

"Well, he asked why I-I've been acting so weird around him lately.." "And..?" asks JJ. My stomach is threatening to heave any second now, and I'm about one nerve away from falling apart. "And, well.. I did but didn't tell him what's been going on." "How does that work?" Emily asks confused. "Well, I told him a recent problem had come up," which wasn't a lie. "But, before I could tel him, he.. he.." My voice cracks and the tears come a little faster. Why am I so scared? These girls are like my family. "Ried. Please stop crying. You can tell us anything, we won't ever judge you," JJ speaks softly to me, with concern in her voice. "He- he kissed me." The SUV falls quiet. But I feel as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and I can breathe without anxiety and fear churning in my chest. 

I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding, which seems to put everything back in gear. "Oh my God, Ried! This is so cute! Then what happened?" I sit there in shock for several heart beats. "Wait, you guys don't care..?" They both laugh. "Are you kidding me? Of coarse not! Your sexuality doesn't affect us at all. This is so cute! I love you for who you are Ried, not for who you take interest in." Emily offers me a tissue and smiles. "Thanks Emily. And thank you both for not judging me. I was absolutely terrified." Emily laughs. "I knew about it yesterday. While you were sleeping, Derek was watching you. I thought it was odd, because he never does. So I approached him about it. He said you looked uncomfortable, and I questioned him because he never seemed to care until yesterday. I knew he was lying when he said it was just because you looked uncomfortable. So, I asked if he had been at your house the night before, and he said yes. He said he needed to figure some things out with you. That's when I knew, because he was avoiding eye contact and had flushed pink." 

Why hadn't he told me? Well, I guess he never had a chance, considering we didn't have time between the fight then makeup sex. "Wait, so you got drunk at Derek's?" JJ asks amused. I blush. "Yes. It wasn't intentional, it just sort of happened." Emily laughs loudly. "No wonder you've been so sick." They laugh together, and I smirk a little. "Don't tell Derek you guys know though, okay? I'd like to tell him." JJ puts a hand on my shoulder and squeezes. "No problem Spence." I turn and smile at her. "Thank you." She smiles back.

"Okay, well that explains that, so why did you go to his room at 4:30 in the morning?" Emily asks with curiosity. My face starts to heat up. "Well, we had gotten into a fight on our way to the hotel, and I never got the chance to apologize. So, I went over there when I awoke, which happened to be at 4:30 am. And so, I apologized." "And you slept there?" asks Emily. "Y-yes. I uh, slept in his bed with him.." I smile and blush even harder, remembering last nights events. "Awwee Spence this is amazing! I just can't believe that after all those girls, he chose you. Its so beautiful and cute." "I know, I'm still trying to understand it myself." We arrive at the airport, and I park and turn to them both. "Remember, don't say anything to Derek okay?" Emily makes the gesture of zipping her lips closed. "Our lips are sealed." JJ nods in agreement. "Alright, let's go."

Chapter 22: Derek  
I sigh and rub my eyes tiredly. I look over at the clock. 10:20. I take a deep breath in and let it out slowly. I take out my phone and send Ried a quick text saying I'll be there soon. I put it away and turn back to my file. I finish the last little bit then pack it up and quickly run it to Hotch's desk. The anticipation builds inside me with every step I take. All I want to do is get to Ried's place. I just want to hold him, and kiss him, and keep him close to me, making him feel safe. I know he constantly has horrifying nightmares; about what I don't know. But, I do know that I can relate to the kid, because I sometimes still get them. I just learned to cope with it, but not in the right way, cause I'd use girls to forget.

5 minutes from his apartment my heart is fluttering and my head is throbbing with happy thoughts. I park my car quickly and practically sprint to the building. When I enter the building I fly up the 2 flights of stairs. When I reach his door, I take a deep breath in to calm myself. After I've calmed down a bit, I knock softly on the door. Behind it, I can here rushed, clumsy footsteps vastly approaching. It swings open, and there stands Ried, dressed in a dark blue button down shirts and black pants. All I can do is stare, because he looks breath takingly handsome. "W-was I supposed to dress up?" He laughs lightly. "No, its just this is what I changed into. Is it too much?" He starts turning pink and I notice panic settling into his eyes. I touch his face gently. "No pretty boy, its perfect." He smiles, then moves to the side to let me in.

When I walk in, I'm instantly engulfed by smells of spices and beef. "Would you like something to eat? I made spaghetti, and made enough for the both of us cause I assumed you'd be hungry..." He trails off and looks towards the kitchen. In response to his question, my stomach rumbles. Ried laughs. "I'll take that as a yes, then?" I smirk at him. "Sure please. But, only if you have some too." He hesitates, but then nods and hurries himself into the kitchen. 

In the 4 years I've known Ried, I've only been to his apartment a handful of times. His place isn't neat, but it isn't completely messy either. He has books lying around on various pieces of furniture, and papers scattered around everywhere. But, I wouldn't expect his apartment to look any different, because it suits him perfectly.

Just then he walks back into his living room with two bowls heaping with spaghetti and meatballs. It smells absolutely delicious. When I taste it, a variety of flavors explode in my mouth. "Damn kid, you can cook. I didn't expect you to know how to cook this well." He raises an eyebrow at me. "What, just because I'm incredibly awkward and clumsy you think I can't cook? You're forgetting that I'm unnaturally smart. When I started living alone, I knew I couldn't live off just pizza and KD. So, I watched cooking shows and read cooking books, and taught myself how to cook. It came in handy huh?" He smiles from cheek to cheek and we both laugh. "Yes, it certainly did. You're an amazing cook pretty boy." He smiles to himself and his face turns a light pink.

Once we're done, Ried goes and grabs our bowls. As he walks to the kitchen, I trail behind him. "What are you doing?" he asks, his face molded into confusion. "I'm going to help you clean up obviously." He just stares at me. "Why? You never made a mess." "I know, but I still ate of that bowl, dirtying it. Therefore, I help you." He stands there dumbfounded, and he looks so cute. I laugh and tilt his chin towards me, and kiss him gently. I feel him relax, and smile against his lips. "There you go. Just relax pretty boy." He pulls away a bit, and looks to the dishes. "Forget these. Let's just go lay down." He doesn't even me a chance to answer, because he's already in his room before I can even comprehend what he said. I shrug my shoulders and follow to his room.

When I reach his room, he's staring at himself in his mirror. I can tell by the look on his face he isn't pleased at what he sees. I walk over behind him and snake my arms around his waist, and bury my face in his neck. "You're so perfect Spencer." His eyes widen and portray surprise at my use of his real name. He turns towards me, with my arms still firmly around his waist. "Why? Why me, and why now?" His hazel eyes search for answers to his question. "What do you mean "why you"? Because you make me feel, Ried. You bring happiness and bliss to med when all I seemed to be wrapped up in is darkness. You make me feel happy, nervous, alive. You give me such a powerful rush when we kiss, and when we become more intimate, its more than just sexual gratification and lust. And why now? Because when I realized why you were acting strange, it conjured up the feelings I had repressed when you first started working with us. I was scared, and still am, because those feelings become stronger every time I see you."

I can see tears pricking the corners of his eyes. I kiss them away, and he takes in a shaky breath. "Ried don't cry. Why are you crying?" He clears his throat, looks away and sniffles. "B-because I'm afraid. I've never been good with feelings Derek. And all these emotions crashing i-into me. Everyone I get c-close to either leaves, or something bad happens. And Derek, I can't s-stand the thought of losing you, I'd die. And I have other problems I'm d-dealing with at the same time, and it's just so overwhelming." He's literally falling apart in my arms; he's a beautiful mess. 

I hold him closer to me and kiss his head. His body rattles with sobs as he cries into my chest. "Shhhh Ried. Its okay to be scared, and its okay to feel. But I'm not going anywhere on you, ever. No matter what, I'm going stand along side you until you choose otherwise. Ried, look at me." I lift his face up to me, and my heart breaks a little. He looks so scared. His eyes are over flowing with tears, his lip is quivering and his breathing is fast and choked. His entire body is trembling, likes its going to crumble any second. "Ried. I- I love you." When I let those three words go, it feels like everything in the room shifted. Ried takes in a sharp breath. "Derek..." Panic starts building inside me. "Y-yes?" He closes his eyes and grips me tightly. "I l-love you too.." And as he says it, all the weight that was pushing him down was lifted.

His knees give out and he almost collapses to the floor. I hold him up and bring him to his bed. "Ried, are you alright?" Panic laces my voice. "Y-yea. Its just, no one besides my family has said that to me, and its all so real because I know you mean it.." I bring his fragile being towards me and I kiss him with every emotion I was holding in. He responds just the same and our bodies just melt together. I open my mouth and slip my tongue inside, which is greeted eagerly by his. My head is spinning; whether its from lack of oxygen or him, I don't know. But I liked the feeling. 

I slowly lay him down softly on his bed. I look deeply into his eyes and search them, finding every emotion possible, and the one I was only looking for. Love. And then I realize, its always been there. When he talked to me, or looked at me, there was always love in his eyes. "I'm so sorry," I say and kiss him. "For what...?" he asks puzzled. "For not realizing you loved me sooner. For not coming to terms with my feelings, which put you through God only knows what horrible feelings." He smiles crookedly. "I understand. All that matters is you know now..." He looks into my eyes and I swear he looks right into my soul. I lower myself down to his neck and kiss it frantically. He trows his arms around my neck and I kiss up his, and lightly suck on this skin. He let's out a loud moan and digs his nails into my back. I moan and pull him up to take off his shirt. My heart is racing in my chest threatening to break right out. 

I push him back down and kiss him hard. I then kiss down his neck and move to his body. I just can't get enough of him, he's like an addiction. His skin is hot and he's breathing hard. He's all worked up, and thats how I want him. I kiss down his body until I reach his pants. I give him a look, and he nods allowing me to take them off. He certainly doesn't need to tell me twice. Art first I fumble with the button and zipper, but finally manage to get them undone. I take them off then go for his boxers, but he stops me. "No no. YOU need to undress now," he says as he seductively bites his lip. Man, he can go from dorky to sexy in just seconds.

He pulls out from under me and climbs on top of me. "Whoa, pretty boy, look at you." I wink at him, and he laughs and goes to kiss me. As he does, he slips on his sheets and smashes into me instead of kissing me. "Ow!" My lip starts throbbing, and his face instantly turns red and he looks mortified. "Oh my God Derek I am so sorry!" He's practically frantic. I laugh and look at him. "Even during playtime you're clumsy as hell. It's okay, just come here and undress me." He looks a little shocked, but does as I say. 

First he takes off my shirt, and then starts kissing down my body. His lips feel so good trailing down my stomach to my waist. He then looks at me, and I nod signaling he can take them off. He literally has them undone and off in less than 10 seconds. He is clearly just as eager as me. He crawls back up to me and kisses me hard on the lips. The time, he opens my mouth and I'm the OE who invites him in. Its actually really hot seeing him take control. We break away after awhile, needing to catch our breath. 

I push up and sit him on my lap and he puts his legs on either side of me. I tilt him back, and kiss down his neck. His legs tense around me as I continue kissing him, and moan after moan escapes his mouth. He looks back at me and moves his face closer to mine. "Derek, I want you." What does he mean? "I thought I made it pretty clear earlier you're mine now." He chuckles. "No, not that way. I want you how I had you at the hotel..." His cheeks dust with pink and he bites his lip nervously and playfully. My stomach flips and my heart tugs. Man, he doesn't even know how much he gets to me without even trying. "Oh baby, I want you too. Are you sure though? Last time you were a little.. sore." "Its always going to hurt a little bit. I need to get used to it, thats all. Please?" He moves up to me, and puts his lips just beside my ear and whispers, "I really want you." His warm breath brushes my ear softly and sends shivers down my spine. And then it dawns on me; my boyfriend is becoming addicted to sex. Fuck, yes.

"Okay, anything you want. Do you have stuff to make it easier?" He smiles wickedly. "Of coarse. I have been alone for my whole life," he throws over his shoulder. He reaches over to the bedside table, and unlocks the top drawer. "You... have it locked?" I ask skeptically. "Of coarse. I don't want someone going in and seeing what's in there." Well, I knew he was weird. This just proves it even more. I smile to myself as he turns back to me. I check him out very quickly. Messy brown hair on top of his head, tired eyes, and a lanky but sexy body. I notice he's hard, and it makes me get harder. 

"Come here pretty boy." I pull him closer to me by his waist, and kiss him tenderly. "Position yourself baby." "Yes sir." He makes his voice go deeper and rougher, making my stomach twist. He readys himself into the position. I squeeze the lube and rub it on myself. I grab either side of his waist. "Are you ready?" "Yes." "Okay. I'll go easy, at first." I dig my nails into his sides a bit, and he flinches but las out a tiny moan. I guide myself to Ried, and slowly squeeze myself into him. 

I close my eyes and bite my lip. God, this feels absolutely amazing. And I thought I liked the inside of girls; was I ever wrong. I open my eyes to check on Ried. He's biting the pillow and gripping the sheets. "You alright kid?" "Yes, I'm fine," he says panting. I push in more, and a moan escapes from between my lips. I push in more, putting myself all the way in. "Okay, you ready?" He nods, and I prepare myself.

I pull out again and fall into a slow rhythm, remembering I can't go too hard. But the longer I go, the harder it becomes to restrain myself from just giving it. Moans bubble from his lips and he's still clutching the sheets. I hear him say something, but it's muffled by the pillows and moans. "W-what did you say?" He lifts his head from the pillow. "I said, g-go harder." I tease him a little bit, by pulling out slowly then slamming into him. "Like that?" He let's out a loud moan. "Oh God please, yes." He doesn't need to tell me twice.

I pick up speed and slam him harder. He's practically screaming while I continue moaning. See, I wanted this time to be making love like we did the first time, but its just too damn hard to keep control. I break out into a sweat and feel myself getting close. I bite my lip hard and dig y nails deeper into his sides. "Oh Derek!" he screams/moans my name. Right then the pressure builds up, and I pull out just in time and I practically explode. 

I let out a hard moan and am panting like a bitch in heat. Ried has collapsed onto his bed, and I watch his back rise and fall with his heavy breathing. "H-hey. You alright?" All he does is give me a weak thumbs up and flops his arm back down. I can't help but laugh. "Okay. Well I'm going to clean up, and then come back and lye with you. Alright?" He nods into the pillow. I get up, and head for his bathroom

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what I could do to fix it, and hope you enjoyed it :)


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